7 Things You Don't Know About Me

1. I moved out on my own when I was 16 years old

2. I'm terrified of not being able to breath (drowning, strangling, etc.)

3. I was married for a short time once before my current husband

4. I like boy stuff more than girl stuff. I'd rather go to a boxing match than a dance recital any day of the week. I guess God knew what he was doing when he gave me two boys!

5. My father was never faithful to my mother. When she finally left she 30 years old, had never had a job, and had 3. He made ALOT of money but still took everything. He made her fight for every penny of child support she was ever due. He re-married one of his women 6 weeks later who tried relentlessly to ruin his relationship with his kids. I didn't speak to him for 8 years. Even now, he reminds me at every turn that his women are more important than me. Before all that I was Daddy's Little Girl. I have never recovered.

6. I've never lost anyone I'm super close with. My grandparents are still alive except my one Grandfather. He was very quiet so I never really felt close to him. I'm so terrified of the day when I have to truly face loss and I just pray it's not in my immediate family.

7. It's a given I hate spiders. I also hate all small, furry, fast things like gerbils, hamsters, ferrets, etc. They totally geek me out!

Countdown to Pancakes!!

In four more days I can relax with my family for the summer. I don't think I'll know what to do with myself when I don't have to eat every hour and show up for fittings and posing sessions. I'm really terrified of not having a date to work towards. Shawn wants me to pick a fall competition so I don't let myself go to pieces this summer. That's probably a really good idea.

I'm ready to go....my backstage bag is packed, my spray tan appointment is made, I get my hair highlighted today and my toes painted tomorrow!! I can't begin to tell you how much less stressful this one is for me. I was so FREAKED before that last one! Work has been incredibly difficult for us the past few weeks, so I'm glad I haven't been so stressed I can't cope with work stress. I've actually been able to concentrate and get things done. Last time I just shut down the week of the show. I figure as long as I don't fall apart at home and at work my husband won't start taking any issues with me competing. So far, he's really loving it. I know alot of people who's spouses aren't so supportive. It's understandable though because it's really a "self indulgent sport" as my trainer puts it. It takes alot of your time and focus away from your family if you let it. So I've been very conscious of that this time around. I make sure I cook for everyone even when I'M SICK OF COOKING a gazillion meals a day. I keep the laundry and the house up and keep my stress to myself. I save it for the gym! Doing another one back to back is alot easier, also, since you just have to maintain. I almost feel guilty for not killing myself in the gym right up til the end. Shawn saw us yesterday and said we're way ahead of where we were before the last competition. So, here's hoping I place higher. This show has a TON of figure girls so it will be harder to place in the top five. That's all I'm doing this time, so I guess that's another reason for my lack of stress. It was really hard for me to do BB and Figure in my first competition. I'm looking forward to just enjoying this one and having fun!

Pancakes with REAL syrup Saturday morning. I CAN'T WAIT!!!

THIS is Why I Like Summer

Ahhhhh, 9am and I'm just getting out of bed. Thing 1 and Thing 2 are still sleeping. Summer is awesome. The boys marched in from school yesterday announcing they are now officially 3rd graders. That's just imossible for me to wrap my head around. Seems like they were just born a few years ago and now they're both turning into little men!

Today's our last heavy workout until the competition next weekend. We do two light workouts Monday and Tuesday and then I'M on summer break!! Woooohoooo!! Can't wait to lay around the pool! I'm not the slightest bit freaked or nervous about this next show for some reason. I told MuscleMomma that I'm worried I'm not preparing enough. I guess I feel guilty for not being nervous, not having to do much cardio, etc. She said she wasn't ever nervous after she got the first one out of the way and that I have nothing to worry about. You know how our brains work though....I look in the mirror and am convinced I've lost muscle, I'm fatter, I don't have as many cuts in my legs, blah, blah. MuscleMomma assures me I look great and that once I get the tan back on I'll see the cuts I'm imagining have disappeared. I hate being mental, Gah.

I want to tell all you girls out there fighting to do what we're doing...thanks. It's so awesome to have so much support. Sometimes its depressing training with someone that has been competing for so long. She always looks great and makes it look effortless. Don't get me wrong, MuscleMomma is the most loving and supporting person you'd ever meet. I could never have made it thru the Shredder without her. I know it's not effortless for her either, she works really, really hard. I guess it's envy?? I wonder if I'll ever look as good as her. Again, I hate being mental.

WHAT Are you DOING Back There???

So we ran into one of Mike's oldest buddies from home and found out he lives in this area and is a Chiropractor. I needed to go in for an adjustment anyway, so I made an appointment and saw him yesterday. My Rhomboid on the right side in my back gets all tweaked up and pulls my spine and my shoulder out of whack, so I have to go have it beat down occassionally. He shares his practice with one of their other buddies that's a Rehab and pain management Doc. I got my adjustment, which was heaven by the way, and then rehab Doc comes in and gives me an injection in the rhomboids. OUCH. It wasn't actually an injection so much as like some kind of acupuncture because it's the needle going into the muscle or something that forces it to relax. I dunno. Anyway, it hurt like hell the rest of the day but it's starting to feel better now. Said I should see the full effects of it in about a week. I think I much prefer the electrode treatment that my prior chiropractor used to do on it but he says this is 10 times stronger and lasts longer. I guess we'll see. It also hurts 10 times more so if it doesn't work in an AMAZING way, I don't know if I'll have that done ever again.

Can I just say I love my metabolism??? It's revved up so hard right now, I can get away with a tiny cheat here and there and I'm only 2 weeks out!! Don't misunderstand me....I'm eating clean ALL the time. But I DID sneak a thumb print cookie at this bakery the other day after lunch. It was VERY tiny and I was on my way for a chest/back workout with Shawn so I wasn't really worried about it. I confessed to MuscleMomma later and I thought she would punch me!! My weight is actually down almost 3 lbs from the day I did the shredder. I really don't want to lose anymore, so I'm going to call Shawn today and see what he wants to change. My metabolism freaks him out when it speeds up like that. He said he's never seen anyone's take off so fast and he's been training for 20 years. I asked him if that meant I could have another cookie. You can imagine the look he got on his face after that!

Only 4 more days of school next week and Thing 1 and Thing 2 get out of school. That means they'll be home every day the week of the next show on June 2nd. Could be a dangerous week for them. I am a very grumpy girl without much water. They get to come to the morning pre-judge though and they're SO excited!!

Ok...It's Fixed...Gah

I went and fixed my post before last so you could see the pic of me and my sis comparing tans. She is NOT wearing white hose, haha! Sorry, sis. I do have to say she didn't look this white in person, so it's just the angle or the standing next to someone that looks like a Hershey bar that made her look whiter.

For my regular friends....not lurkers that I never talk to...I have a link up on Yahoo of my photo shoot that Ms DallasK did if you want to see them. I don't want to put the link on my blog because I don't want random people seeing them. If you want the link, let me know and I'll email it to you. If someone can enlighten me as to how to email someone directly from a blog without posting the email address on here that would be great, too. Sorry. I'm blogger challenged still.

I'm Going to be an Aunt Again!! And......Say Whahhhh??

I know this is totally un-bodybuilding related but my little sis is pregnant!! Whoop, Whoop!! She has the most beautiful little munchkin that's two right now and she found out she's expecting on Mother's Day. How cool is that?? Anyway, I love my sister to death, so I'm EVER so excited!

OKAY. Have you ever seen someone doing something so odd in the gym that you had to look away. But then you caught yourself looking over at them again like it was a car wreck you couldn't pull your rubber neckin' eyes away from??? This weekend MuscleMomma and I met up at the gym to do chest and back. We're supersetting so we can get out super quick. I'm on the seated row and she's doing chest press down the aisle from me. I get situated and pull back on the cable and look up to see....this man on the laying ham curl that hurls his body UP into the air each time he pulls his legs up. He looks like a fish that has just hurled himself out of his bowl. If that's not enough to make me lose it, he contorts his face as if someone's really giving it to him from behind. I get so completely taken off guard that I have to stretch forward and put my head down between my knees to compose myself. About the time I get it together, I lift up only to see MuscleMomma almost completely down on the floor on her hands and knees laughing til she almost pees on herself! I had to get up and leave the entire aisle to keep from losing it in front of him. Before I knew it, there were 3-4 of us gawking from behind in amazement at what we saw. I have seen people with bad form before, but dude. I really didn't want to go work out on a Sunday but that totally made it worth my trip!!

So 2 and a half weeks til the next show and I'm truckin' along. It's much nicer when you just have to maintain. I go workout with Shawn tomorrow, so I'm sure he'll check me out and make adjustments. I've been practicing in my hooka heels. Damn those things are hard to walk in!! Its. Not. Natural.

"You Must Do the Thing You Think You Cannot Do" Eleanor Roosevelt

My sister gave me a mirror with this quote on the cover the night before I left for Austin...

I'm really embarassed that I was too overwhelmed with work at getting ready for the competition that I couldn't make time to blog. To tell you the truth, though, I wonder if it was because I was worried about writing about my true feelings so I avoided it altogether. I truly thought about cancelling along the way because I was just too scared. Doing a competition was so completely out of my comfort zone and that's not something people that know me would expect. Everyone thinks I'm the most confident person they know, however, that's all on the outside. I forced myself to plug along but I had to put on some serious blinders to accomplish it. That's just what I did, too. I accomplished my most feared goal!!

The show was last Saturday, May 5th in Austin and I did pretty good considering I almost had a full blown anxiety attack before I went out on stage the first time in pre-judging. The stage manager was terrified I was going to pass out on him, but I pulled it together and walked out for the Masters BB. I don't know if I've ever shaked that uncontrollably in my entire life!!! I shook the second time out for Masters Figure but by the time I went out for Novice Figure I was good. The nighttime show was a cinch after getting past my nerves and I NAILED my bodybuilding routine. I was sooooo excited!!! When I get the DVD I'll have to post it. I did my routine to Christina Aguilar's "Figher". Sheilahe Brown helped me put it together and it was totally my personality. So I ended up placing 4th in Masters BB and 7th in both Figure categories. I have fought against figure the whole time because I'm such a tomboy and not a girlie girl AT ALL. However, after seeing the pics I see now why everyone pushes me towards Figure. I am totally a figure girl bodywise. I went on stage at 117lbs and 7-8% bodyfat (we didn't pinch the week of the show......not much muscle for a bodybuilder but it was a natural show, so I figured I'd still have some fun!! Doing the routine was absolutely my most favorite part. I had so much fun I've decided to do the local NPC show in three weeks. It's a national qualifier so I hope I do really well. I'm going to live in these hooker heels for the next 3 weeks so I can get comfortable in them!!

Here's some pics from my photo shoot that I did when I got back so you can see how I turned out. These are pics just goofing around with my sister. We were comparing muscles and tans (or the lack therof!) No, my sister is NOT wearing white hose, haha!!